TO OUR MOTHERS, "How Do You Keep It All In?"

This is one question I've asked myself a decade ago after reading about epidurals.

I saw another article today that shook me to my bones. It showed the needles used to stitch a woman back together after an episiotomy (that surgical cut made during childbirth so a baby can enter the world).

It got me wondering, how do you do it, momma?

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How do you lie there in stitches, bleeding and trembling, yet still manage to smile when we rush in with flowers and balloons, shouting "Congratulations!"?

How do you keep it all bottled inside? The pain. The fear. The exhaustion.

Some of you temporarily lose your vision during pregnancy. Some develop high blood pressure, which endangers both their own and their baby's lives. Some people have gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, or other problems that leave scars we can't see.

Some were told they might not make it. Yet somehow, when the baby arrived, they found the strength to smile through split lips and cradle that tiny human as if nothing else in the world matters.

Do You Forget, momma?

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I need to know. Do you forget your pain? Or do you simply bury it so deeply that we, the visitors and congratulators, never get to see it?

When we step into that hospital room, we see a glowing mother. We do not see:

• The nights you couldn't sleep because your stomach was so huge.
• The swollen feet that made walking unbearable.
• The morning sickness that continued throughout the day. In fact, every day.
• The fear that gripped your heart every time you had an appointment with the doctor.
• The way your body changed in ways that felt strange and frightening.

We do not see the stitches. We do not see the blood. We do not see the emotional toll you go through during and after childbirth. How you cried out in pain, begging for a chance to live.

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They say childbirth is natural. They say women were made for this.
But, momma, that process wasn't painless.
That process wasn't gentle.

Yet, you went through it, suffering silently. You smile despite the pain. You hug your baby and whisper "I am fine," even when your areola aches. Even when the milk failed to pump, including when it overflowed.

So I'm asking again, momma,

• How do you find the strength to bottle it all in? During postpartum when the little one wouldn't let you sleep.
• Is it love that makes you do it for us? Is it the joy of seeing your baby's face that erases the memories of everything you went through?
• Or is it something else? Is it the expectation that you should be strong? That you would bounce back? That you should express gratitude rather than complain?

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Do you smile because you don't want to burden us with the truth?
When we say "Congratulations"
When we come to your bedside with gifts and well wishes, do you wish we would ask different questions?
Did you want to tell us something different?
Did you ever truly "bounce back"?

Do you grow to love your new body? Do you learn to trust the healing process? Did it take months, or weeks or are you still healing?

I'm curious. I wish to know. Because every day, I see you, I think of true warriors who go to the battlefield with swords and armours ready to lay down everything they cherish so humanity can continue.