Friendship Palava

Have you ever sit down alone, just thinking about life, and one sharp thought comes through your mind like a blade? That moment when you ask yourself: “Why human being do always want one person to hold onto—one wife, one best friend, one partner—like it's only that person that can carry all our weight?”. Let's see what this content holds.

This question is heavy because it touches loyalty, jealousy, and human weakness. We live inside society which push us to believe that one person suppose to be our “everything.” But the truth is that, life doesn't work like that. Friendship and marriage look alike in some ways, but they are not the same thing.

Marriage is a covenant, one man one wife (for those that are not into polygamy). But friendship doesn't carry that same binding oath. If you hold only one best friend, it might be sweet because your bond will be strong like cement that has dried. But it might not also go well because one person can't give you everything you need from a friend.

Imagine that you do depend on one friend for laughter, advice, support, and gist. If that person is not available, who will you run to? So it's wise that you should have close best friend, but still open hand for other friendships. Life is not balance if you lock yourself to only one person.

The truth is that, jealousy is real. If my best friend spend more time with another person, it will feel some pains. Yes I might think, “Ah, this my friend have replace me?” But if i think maturely, I'll understand that friendship is not to be monopoly. People can have different friends for different vibes. Some will be there for football, some for business, some for spiritual discussion.

If I got angry and discontinue, I will be the one to lose. The better way is to accept that my friend can have other friends, but still value the bond which we share. Jealousy is normal, but it shouldn't control my action.

However, many people do reason that once you marry, you suppose to cut off opposite sex friends. But the truth is that, it depend on trust and boundary. However if the friendship is truly pure, respectful, and your spouse is surely comfortable with it, no need to end it.

But if the friendship do cause problems or suspicion, it is better to cut it off or you adjust it as the case might be. Marriage is partnership, so you suppose to respect your partner's feelings. Not to be hiding phone or sneaking around.

Transparency is one of the key in marriage. So with that I'll say, opposite sex friendship can continue if you both agrees, but it must be clean like a clean water.

So I dont expect friendship to be perfect. Human being do make mistake. If my friend always do things which I don't like, I might be tired of them. But before I end it, I will ask myself: “Is this my friend trying to change? Or he doesn't care?” If it's a honest mistake, I can correct it with love. But if it's a repeated disrespect, I can end the friendship and workout.

Friendship is a give and take moment. If it drain me, no shame to step aside. But if it still add value, patience will heal the bond.

However, If you have many friends, it's a blessing and also a burden. Blessing because you will always have people to lean on. Burden because you will stress your energy too much.

My advice is that: you should know your circle. Have inner circle that you trust, then outer circle which is for casual gist. Don't carry everybody problem on your head. Some friends is for enjoyment, some is for business, some is for prayer. Balance it well, so that you won't confuse loyalty.

So back to that sharp thought which start this content: “Is it wise to hold one best friend like one wife?” The answer is that marriage is a covenant which is not suppose to break, friendship is a choice that can grow or fade. You can have one wife, but you can't survive with only one friend. Life needs variety, but also need loyalty. The wisdom is to balance it: cherish your best friend, and also respect your spouse, and still open your heart for other people that will add joy to your journey.

Cc:
@steem4nigeria