Go ahead and turn around if easily offended.

It has come to my attention that this week marks @belemo 1 year anniversary. Well, that my friend gets you your own post.

I was speaking to him the other day and he seemed like he was having some lady trouble. Fear not my brother form another mother. I am gonna fix you up with some romance knowledge the only way I know how. With some fucking memes.

Last chance to jump ship folks. It is only downhill from here.

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So we will start out with a rundown of the conversation. I am the guy with the beard

My only real suggestion was to find a girl that is naturally pretty without a bunch of makeup.

Right now it appears that you are stuck with old Palmala Handerson flogging the one-eyed wookie with the volume down.

"hearing impaired" Lol. It is called jerking off when someone is in the room next to you.

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Well, there are many ways you can go about getting a truckload of bitches.

Option 1
Put out an ad

Another option if you are willing to put in some effort and really like a certain girl BUT she is with someone you can go this route.

That one may cost you a bit of money for the flowers so it is kind of a last-ditch effort. At the end of the day, all you really want is to get laid so you have another option of going to one of those shady ass bars in town and I am not sure what they call it in Nigeria but in the states, they call em glory holes. Now you gotta be careful because it is much like life and a box of chocolates. You never know what you are gonna get.

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If those all fail you can always try online dating. Not sure of your age but I am in my late 30's so if I had to start dating again it would be the equivalent of trying to find the least stinky pair of shoes in the thrift shop. But you seem like a smart young man so online dating may be the thing for you. Lets go over a few of the basics I learned years ago.

Honesty is not a thing.

It really does not matter though because once you all meet up it will be a train wreck anyways

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So now that you have met up and she asks you what you are looking for, be honest. Let's face it. You are all there for the same reason.

At this point, you are going to suffer through hours of "a first date". I will sum up what is going to be said.

Most of these gals on these dating sites would look like a porcupine if they had as many dicks sticking out of them as they have had in em. This brings up a very important issue also. If you are lucky at the end of the night you are hopefully meeting your goal.

That is a big no- no. Unless you want to be featured in one of @trumpman blogs about how your penis fell off.

We are talking about birth control and not this kind

This is the kind you should be thinking about.

Side note. I have totally done that.

But you can not be a bad lover, You gotta do a little pregame before parking the beef bus in tuna town. You know what I am talking about.

Or if she is a more advanced level of freaky

This is also the time to check for any traps that may await you.

If the pornos have been truthful then the next step is finding out of you are eating at Arbys or Taco bell.

Different look, same great taste. Beware of No Shave November though.

Well, good work so far old friend. Now you get to learn that no good deed goes unrewarded.

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You should probably be polite and

rather than

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Disclaimer

This new generation has added an extra step so I am gonna wing it here.

I hear all these new shitty rap gals singing about getting their asses ate and I just don't get it. They be like.

To me, this seems like a horrible idea. I blame the movie "The human centepede".

Seriously though. Yall aint right.

Enough of that.

On to the main show. Now here is where it gets a little different between the Nigerians

and us white guys

But you can always improvise

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Either way it is go time and

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Sometimes even miracles happen.

That kinda makes you feel bad I supose but then................... Jesus is your wingman.

And again I will remind you to wrap that shit up. If not for safety then because you are a cheap ass.

Now you are nearing the end of your journey and I hope it does not end like this.

Also, don't drink too much alcohol

But if you get the ol whiskey dick you gotta improvise. What do I always say? That is right. If you try hard enough anything can be a dildo.

After it is all said and done I hope you find true love.

But don't go crazy and get her tattooed on you.

I hope this was helpful or entertaining. I must put one final disclaimer on.

I nominte @dirtydave and @cryptkeeper17