The Doctor

I had many plans today.

Not least was to go to work as a good drone does and clap my cymbals together in time to the man's organ... Hmmm, perhaps I could rephrase that a little better?

However, my plans were blown out of the water by a mild medical emergency on the little boom front. As a result, first thing, we tramped to the Doctors for some helps.

We weren't there long before he saw us and took one look at the little boom-meister and said we should go to Hospital at our earliest convenience.

I resisted the urge to kick him square in the chuckies because he hadn't waved a magic wand and pronounced him healed and I gathered up my skirts and flounced out, baby in one hand and the good lady in the other.

It wasn't long before we were in Hospital and ushered to a quiet little room.

A nurse came and triaged our little boom. She said she would get a Doctor right away.

I and the good lady fretted somewhat, trying to soothe the little man who was most upset.

The little lady in the meantime had started laying out all her toys and playing a game.

Moments later the door opened. A rugged looking Doctor straight out of the George Clooney school of Doctoring came in. He put a hand reassuringly on the good lady's shoulder.

Are you ok ma'am?

Oh goodness, yes, yes. I'm fine!

Said the good lady, managing to blush and semi-curtsey at the same time.

I looked on with a scabrous eye. Hands off the good lady, matey chops? I thought. I was not impressed. I like to judge my Doctors on how well they can Doctor... Not how well they can moisten a lady's humphrey. And so far there was scant sign of Doctoring.

He turned to a Nurse that had appeared at his shoulder.

Nurse, I can hear his breathing. Fetch me some blahblah please?

The Nurse visibly fought the urge to faint as all the blood rushed to her hootenanny.

Yes Doctor.

She breathed as seductively and wantonly as she could in front of patients.

I glared at this so-called Doctor as he took my little boy in his arms and started prodding and poking at him. My little boom stilled and stopped crying and looked up in awe at the champion in the white coat that hovered above.

What the fandango, little man? You as well?

I said silently to myself. It seemed like this Doctor had everyone eating out the palm of his hand.

The nurse returned with a tray full of 21st century medicine. I looked askance as she filled up a couple of syringes.

Pah, if you think you can just throw any old shite into my little man you got another think coming.

I opened my mouth to ask what in the devils hoohaa was in those syringes.

The Doctor turned to me with his wise, handsome yet reassuring face.

Let's not forget Daddy now? Daddy, are you ok, is there anything you would like to ask?

He picked up the first syringe.

I smiled and fluttered my eyelashes.

Oh no Doctor, thank you!

I realised that those words had came out of my mouth. I think my body was trying to curtsey also. I fought myself bravely, till some semblance of control had returned.

It seemed mere seconds before our little boom had been squirted in the mouth with two different syringes and the Doctor was making ready to leave. He paused, noticing the little lady for the first time.

Oh no, not the little lady too!

I screamed in my head.

The Clooney Doctor leaned over the little lady's game.

Are those the baby animals watching their mummies and daddies?

He enquired with a twinkling eye and a hypnotic glare that commanded obeisance.

The little lady sighed visibly then turned to face him.

No. Those little baby animals are watching their mummies and daddies fight each other until one is killed and then they all eat the dead one.

Ah. Um, alright then. Carry on.

The glamour cast by the Doctor was shattered. He looked around and nodded then hurried out before the little lady decided that it was his turn too, to be killed and eaten by his children.

I nodded my approval at the little lady.

That's my girl!