![jan. 2017

Dear friends,

I am depressed day by day when I see my right leg in the mirror, I feel so low. Because of this, I've always weakened to create a happy moment with my friends and family. Since I have this problem, all of my dreams are shattered that seems I build castles in the air. I assume I'll be living a gloomy tomorrow because my life is full of uncertainty. I hate to see myself in this fight and scared that one day I can't have a normal and happy life. 

What big offenses did I make for meeting this biggest consequence in my journey? I did not steal, killed people, wrecked a home, bullied innocents, discriminated ignorants, traitored a friend, and not a stubborn daughter to my parents. 

Friends, I am regretful because I always wish to turn back the time so I could stop my bad habits for in the future, I'll face no dilemma like this. My right muscle has a muscle atrophy. Four years ago, my routine was to work out for three hours. Then it started a knee swelling that hindered me to move. My wrists felt the same, feet, shoulders, and elbow. The death and ailment were my biggest fears. When I see a news on TV about an ill person, I'd switch it off immediately but since I battled a health problem like this, I fear death no more. 

You know, I was like a robot who could not move flexibly that even when a strong air passes by, the muscle tension becomes more painful. The worst, no one can understand that burden except myself. I tho heard someone complaining 'twas just a drama, then heart bled- realizing it is more painful to hear a hurtful word against you from the one you love. But 'twas understandable the fact that my mother was desperate to find money to feed us. My father was far away seeking bucks without certainty. When he arrived, they immediately took me to the hospital for my first checkup.

My paternal side has mostly rheumatoid arthritis. I underwent many tests but the doctor did not see any health issues so he prescribed paracetamol and diclofenac, concluded it was rheumatoid arthritis from father's genes. The pain goes away but comes back the next day especially in the morning where my wrists become more swollen and painful. So, my maintenance for a year was diclofenac that I took twice a day. It relieved me somehow but wished to live a normal life without any medications like before. 

Gemilina Leaf and Turmeric as a Cure

Then, I tried to treat myself a gemilina leaf after a massage therapy. My grandparents and eldest relatives are versed in natural treatments. In fact, my granny is 130 years old who can sew, can tell her grandchildren a bedtime story, and died with complete teeth. She said that gemilina leaf is very effective to treat muscle soreness and sips the gas from our body. My relatives are healed eventually just after applying the leaf when their rheumatoid attacks. When I tried, it removed the pain a little, but my ligaments were weaker that I couldn't walk normally then later, the pain goes back. So, I tried my father's treatment for his arthritis which is the fresh turmeric. He'd grate it then apply to the affected part by folding with a bandage tightly. Later, he can walk. 

My family, instead of taking drugs often switches the wild plants and herbs in the forest, but I am different. These natural cures for my joints didn't work that even the generic drugs cannot alleviate the symptoms.

Activities to Prevent Muscle Atrophy

To my surprise, I noticed a little muscle loss in my right leg three years ago. My mother said it was normal as she encountered the same but 'twas gone. As months go by, the loss became more noticeable, so I continued working on my right leg by hiking, jogging, leg raises, yoga, lounges, stretching, planking, and squat. The doctor advised that my leg hamstring will be back after 2 months of doing activities. But nothing worked. The loss was even worse so I stopped.  

I did the stationary bike but my right leg was continuing to swell that I couldn't climb the stairs.

My sister took this picture when we were in Davao 3 months ago. This photo was taken after swimming to work my leg.

Even at night, I have determination to get my right hamstring back.

NSAIDs (Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug) to Corticosteroid

Two years ago, I gained 62 kilos. I had a moon face affected by a corticosteroid. Yes, instead of nonsteroid prescribed by my doctor, my friend who is a lupus survivor advised me to take prednisone that treated her joint pains. Because I was desperate that one day I could live a normal life without medications, I took the risk, never mind the side effects. I took the tablet twice a week in a small milligram but like diclofenac, still, it was an over the counter medication. 

For 3 months of consuming, I had a moon face, bloated stomach, hair fall, acne all over my face, chest, and back, back pain, and fairer skin. According to the reviews, there are women that use it as an alternative of glutathione as corticosteroid thinners the skin layer. My relatives were even surprised to see me with fair skin but with a moon face and acne, so it ended up taking the med there. 

The Doctor has the Same Advice 

It was 2016 in December I met the best physician.

In 2016, I was diagnosed to the best surgeon and orthopedic in town. He found out my bones are normal after the tests and X-ray. He advised (just like my previous physician) to work my muscles at the gym so I attended a spinning class (biking can build leg hamstring), weightlifting (for also my wrists), and swimming. For two months, I could see my hamstring grow back. But the right leg hamstring became worst. 

Again after jogging, I went to the pool for my swimming class in summer this 2017.

I started weightlifting since January 2017.

As you can see, my right leg is smaller than my left leg.

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome Therapy

Since I found Dr. Jay Asuncion, my wrists are okay yet there are times it swells and painful again especially in the morning. It is treated by weightlifting and since I began massaging it through my reflexology ball. Now I can move easily, can wear a bra without asking further assistance, can open the door, can carry pillow and mugs, and can scratch my back. I can do these things without taking medications. In the morning and night, I squeeze this reflexology ball I bought from Lazada for 300 pesos (5.918 USD) to maintain a normal blood circulation in my wrists. The doctor says I have a Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in which the blood flows abnormally in my wrists causing it to swell, pain, fingers tingling, and sensitive that when someone touches my hands, I can feel the strong hit which is very painful. Additionally, my shoulders and elbows swell too. These days, there is only a little pain because of the ball's therapy and dumbell but the swelling and pain go back if I work a lot on a computer with improper posture and improper hands position, also during I type on the phone. 

It comes from overseas therefore took a month of waiting before this ball delivered home but the long wait is worth it!

Reflexology Sandal for my Knees and Feet Therapy

For my knees and feet, I use a reflexology sandal. Now, my legs and knees are okay that I can walk normally without meds and after exercise. But there are times I feel a little swelling when I squat in my right knee so I quickly do the icing treatment in the swelling area for 15 minutes. Before, it was harder to sit on the floor and stand up (I needed someone to assist me). It was difficult to stand up in the bed too and difficult to run when I jog. Now it is treated, but this muscle atrophy affects my self-confidence day by day.  The worst, I feel pain when I sit down the unfoamy chair because my right butt loses muscle. When I also lift my right leg, the atrophied muscle is more obvious. The orthopedic clarified my bones are normal and I don't have rheumatoid arthritis. My right leg is just affected with an over workout. He said medication, foods, injection, and physical therapy can't treat this problem but to exercise. But until now, I don't see any sign that my muscle hamstring comes back. 

I bought this sandal from Cagayan de Oro that only cost 150 PHP (2.957 USD).

It was taken in April 2017. It is noticeable in side-viewing.

Be a Strong as Always!

As I always said, it is difficult to be happy and satisfied if we have insecurity. I am not insecure because other look good than me, but my point is, "being healthy is beautiful." So, next month is another appointment with my physician. I'll try to be positive even if the negativities eat me. Those who aren't experiencing the same cannot understand, but for those in the same boat, even though we are depressed, stand up and fight. Be stronger, stay positive! 

An Instagram Friend Helped me Coping my Depression At Least

Before this article ends, I wanna share our chatting with my Instagram friend yesterday who had a muscle loss, but now is fine. Hope her advice will work for you, inspires you, gives you hope. 

Friends, remember that when life shows its worst, be appreciative. Our real characters will not come out unless we meet the worst episode in our life. Just wait for your turn because God has plans for you. God knows the right timing for us. It takes time but it'll be certain and perfect!

DISCLAIMER:

The content and illustrations are original.